Moving Parents

Workable Decisions, Richer Relations© Counseling • Mediation • Support

Dear Rabbi Saulson,

Recently I’ve noticed that my parents’ house has become overrun with clutter. While I don’t expect my parents’ home to necessarily “sparkle” the way it may have when my mom was younger, what I am witnessing instead is indeed upsetting: stacks of newspapers line the den, piles of mail clutter up the kitchen counter, dust overtakes the tabletops and picture frames, and beds remain unmade with clothes strewn about.  Frankly, I’m alarmed.  Are my parents simply slowing down or mellowing out in their old age, or do we have a larger problem here?

–Alarmed in Albany

Continue reading “Messy Mom and Dad” »

Yesterday brought a remarkable weather occurrence here in the United States: Snow fell in 49 out of the 50 states, even the hilltops of Hawaii.

While this makes for excitement for the school children affected in the Northeastern and Southern parts of the country—many of whom can still be found sledding through their neighborhoods today (and who likely received a reprieve from school for at least a day or two!)—this winter weather can be deadly for the elderly.

Continue reading “Winter Storm PSA (Emergency care for the elderly in winter)” »

Another holiday season has closed its doors, and you find yourself examining the possibilities of a whole new year. Yes, life still has its challenges – family, job, financial responsibilities, and more, and they are not going to get any easier just because you will them to do so.

Continue reading “New Year…new you?” »

“A son is a son till he takes him a wife, a daughter is a daughter all of her life.”

This old Irish saying seems innocuous enough, but for some women among us it describes the very painful reality that makes up their daily life. Continue reading “A Daughter for Life (or a Daughter… Trapped!)” »

Dear Rabbi Saulson:

Yesterday I had a wonderful day with my mom—shopping, lunch, girl talk, etc. It was a day that was long overdue, since most other days we spend together are tension-filled, where she complains non-stop about her health, and criticizes me for my life’s choices. (I live a happy, “successful” life by most standards, by the way.) I want to spend more time with her like this, but I know there are no guarantees. Her mood has seemed much more tenuous this past year or so, even though we have had no major family crises of note. To be honest, I find myself spending less and less time with my mother, even avoiding her completely sometimes. Continue reading “Good times…” »

Thanksgiving. A time for families to come together from near and far to join in meaningful conversations and celebrate the importance of family and give thanks for all they have.

More than likely, however, what they’ll have is some major discomfort; for just as we can count on turkey at Thanksgiving and Santa at Christmas, we can also count on the same old family squabbles at these same gatherings that will simply never change. Indeed, with aging parents, in all likelihood some of us will be facing new or ever increasing upset, as family discussions intensify and the same old tempers flare. Continue reading “Countdown to the holidays and “talking turkey…”” »

Dear Rabbi Saulson,

Lately my mother has become SO stubborn and inflexible – a recent and sudden development. I don’t remember her being this way in the past, and truthfully, I don’t recall exactly when she became like this. Worse still, I don’t know why she acts this way. Everything has become a big argument between us: what time to have Sunday dinner, which sibling’s house to go to for the holidays, even exactly how much money she wants to spend on her groceries, all of a sudden (though she and my father are quite well off). She won’t even take the time to speak to me on the phone if I call between the hours of 9:00-11:00 a.m., as she’s “too busy” cleaning her house to talk! Continue reading “Parental stubbornness” »

When the phone call came, “Donna” was stunned. Her elderly father had taken an overdose of his pain medication and been found unconscious in his apartment—again. He was in the hospital being treated for a drug overdose—also again.

“My father is a drug addict,” Rabbi Saulson, she told me on the phone, crying.  “I don’t know what to do.”

Continue reading “Addiction in the elderly…” »

They can creep upon us slowly, or they can appear suddenly.

They are the signs of aging.

All of our parents slow down as they age, and that is normal.

Continue reading “Signs: to worry or not to worry” »